The other side to the coin of reacting to someone’s need…
Obviously, I love my buddies and hate it any time they get hurt. But lately, I’ve noticed that my compassion for them when they do hurt themselves from doing something that maybe I just told them not to do (maybe) or that was completely irrational for them to do in the first place (how much rationale do I expect from a 4 and 2 year old? Maybe I expect too much…), is a little low.
This has come to my attention as I have tried to teach Eli a little more compassion for his brother. If Cal gets hurt, Eli’s first reaction is “I didn’t do it!” instead of going to comfort him. Which I recognize is at least partly a result of how I’ve trained him, and partly evidence of how frequently Cal’s cries are a reaction to something Eli has done J -and visa versa. I’m trying now to model and train for Eli to react first to Calvin (or anyone’s) hurt by caring and comforting them, regardless of who is at fault.
That should seem obvious, but I see how great of a need there is for that kind of compassion here in the city. People are often numb to other’s cries. And it seems like there is good reason for them to be, actually. For example: when we were here looking for apartments, we came upon a man at the 86th street subway stop who was wildly crying and clutching at his leg which had a great gaping wound in the skin. Everyone passed him by. No one stopped to help, they all pretended, uncomfortably, that he was not lying in their path, bleeding and begging.
I didn’t know what to do. I knew money wouldn’t really help, but surely we could call him an ambulance? We were with my uncle, and he commented that what we were doing with our church was more effective than anything we could do for this man in the moment, and in response to other’s reactions, he explained that “sometimes, your New-Yorker overcomes your humanity” – which I felt was a very genuine and helpful observation. I dreamt about this man several nights, and genuinely prayed for his healing – regretting that I had not helped in any way.
Yesterday, walking towards the 86th street subway stop with the boys, I saw this same man, in the same condition, behaving in the same way. His wound had not healed, it looked completely unchanged. It was at least a month after my first interaction with this man, and to see him in the same state may have been even more unnerving than my first encounter with him. Either he had gotten no help and the money that had been thrown in his cup had gone in no way to assist his healing, or this was a show that he kept up and put on. Both options are disturbing.
The reactions of the people passing by reminded me a little of Eli’s “it’s not my fault!”, “it’s not my problem”, “he did it to himself”, “I’m busy playing with my nerf gun (insert: any form of business that we consider to take precedence over showing mercy)”. It is my hope that his reaction instead would be that of Christ – “I will take your burden” “I will pay the price that you deserve”, “My love for you can heal your hurt.”, “I am ALWAYS here for you.” I hope that by the grace of God I can model that reaction for him, within my own family and in our city.
I’m asking Jesus that my compassion for others would not be numbed by experiences like this, but that it would only be deepened. That He would give me wisdom in how to be like Him, the example he gave of the Good Samaritan, in these situations. I don’t yet know how to handle them, especially with my two toddlers in tow – but that should not deter me from showing mercy. It certain that there will be, but I hope for many more opportunities to not just feel compassion, but to comfort someone in their need.
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